Pet Peeve No. 14 - You Can't Teach a Blind Dog

Right, well, it finally happened, dinnit? I put the Deep Heat Rub on my toothbrush.

Cosmic Consciousness No. 17 - Wondering Again

Why don't the words titular and jugular have the same meaning?

Cosmic Consciousness No. 16 - Just Wondering

How long do you think Janis Joplin would have lasted on American Idol?

Rowanism No. 11 - Flying

Rowan (posing before the mirror in her Hello Kitty pajamas): Sometimes I pretend I can fly!

Me: When I was your age, I had dreams that I could fly. I vividly remember a dream about flying around inside my grandparents' house on Christmas morning. Do you ever dream about flying?

Rowan: Sometimes I dream that I'm riding a white unicorn, and we see teddy bears and pretty ponies, and even kittens and puppies. Then we fly over the rainbow and catch stars!

Innocence is bliss.

Quote of the Week No. 1

"There are two sides to every snake, kid. Turn it over. Go ahead, turn it over. What are ya, yeller?"

-- Buffalo Steele, cowboy stuntman & actor

Rowanism No. 10 - Domination

Last night Rowan asked, "Mom, what's domination?"

The ex-wife (yes, you read that correctly, bless her little heart) turned to me and said, "You want to take that one?"

Deep breath. "Okay. Domination. Noun. You see, dear, in some dark corners of the planet there are people who carry whips and wear latex masks with big zippers and rubber antlers..."

The ex: "You don't want to go there."

"Well, sweetie, it means that one team is stronger than the other. The stronger team dominates."

"Like in baseball?"

"Exactly."

"No, Dad, I mean like WORLD DOMINATION."

Perhaps too much Pinky & the Brain.

Cosmic Consciousness No. 15 - Of Them Bogies & Such

Late last night, beneath me bed,
I saw them wot lives in me 'ead,
'ow they escaped I cannot tell,
But I've regained me sense o' smell.

Pet Peeve No. 13 - Marconi's Bane

Journey. Boston. Foreigner. Bob Seger. AC/DC. Styx. Meat Loaf. 38 Special. Bon Jovi. Eddie Money. Lynyrd Skynyrd. Z Z Top. REO Speedwagon. Bad Company. Van Halen. Phil Collins.

As I was listening to the wireless today, I was reminded of the very fine (invisible?) line between Classic Rock and Utter Crap.

Pet Peeve No. 12 - Rebellious Organs

Don't you hate it when your internal organs go to rot? I know I do. An emergency appendectomy has really taken the wind out of my cheeks. And the ants out of my pants.

Cosmic Consciousness No. 14 - So what the heck are Tuba Loons?

...as in "My hands felt just like tuba loons."

Anyone? Anyone?